better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
