the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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