just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
