i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
