Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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