How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
