I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
