worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
