i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
