threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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