My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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