I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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