if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
