Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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