dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
