If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?