Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better