Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
someone owes me an orgasm
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
