I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
