The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
