If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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