i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
