She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
