Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
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took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
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I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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