I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
