I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
