This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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