yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
