Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
