I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
