I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
