His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
