Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
