Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
my being single is dangerous.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
