Having a random hookup so left but love u
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
