I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
