I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
