don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
