My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
