Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
