I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
