Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
