I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
