i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
