i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
