i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
