You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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