Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
