I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
