I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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