I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
