I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Randomize
