We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
