We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
