I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
