You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
