When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
