You're completely useless in the revolution.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
