i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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