there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
