Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
