Don't you send me to vm
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
