your parents love me but you hate me
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Redeem this text for a blowjob
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
