alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
