I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
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