I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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