"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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