Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
