I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
