do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
