Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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