first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
