So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
