Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Randomize
