Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
BRING THE BAGELS
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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