Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I need to sanitize my soul.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
