Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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