3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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