I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You are a booty call, not a friend.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
