Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
