He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Princesses don't give blow jobs
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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