lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
