Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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