Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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