but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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